Memoirs of a nun

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2009-05-20 23:52:10

Last author: sequeena_rae
Owner: sequeena_rae

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^{Brought to you by [sequeena_rae] and Sister Lisa; [starry_bellend]}

^{There is a moral to every story...Except this one.

Mwahahaha.}

^{This wiki is for Sister Lisa. She has decided to become a nun. Yes, a nun.}

^{Sister Lisa's journey in pictures. Additional words by [sequeena_rae]}

^{Past memoirs are kept here: Memoirs.}

^{New! Memoirs talks!}

^{Memoirs of a nun in words by [starry_bellend]}

^{Entry nine - The mods versus count Dracula!}

^{After enjoying a steak and ale pie in the greyhound, I made my way in the dead of night towards a run down old building in the middle of Transylvania (I am forced to reside here these days after being removed from every other fucking country on the face of the planet!). I was then joined by my good friend Sarah.

Before entering the building I took out the holy blood of Christ and blessed the building by downing the bottle. We then proceeded inside and were greeted by one hell of a fucking shit hole. We thought fuck it God will keep us safe and so we got down to it (sleeping that is).

We had been asleep but 10 minutes when I was roused by a strange voice, which I thought in my drowsy state was calling "I vant to suck your breast" but I was later informed by my companion that it was actually my blood that he wanted. We stood up and stared at the creature. "Right! I've had enough of this fucking shit! Piss off out now before we're forced to beat you down!" With that Sarah was wrestled to the floor by the being and a syringe was stuck in her neck. I was in shock as he drew blood from my friend. He then squirted some into his mouth and the remainder was squirted into the face of an old woman who happened to be passing through the building. He than made his way towards me and I gave him my best "I cant believe you've just egged me" eyes. I could do nothing but use my holy powers to pray to god. I fell to my knees and began chanting "Neef neef neef neef". I was then joined in my chant by Sarah from the floor. We finally realised that this wasn't going to work and I resigned myself to my fate. He lifted up the syringe to my neck when suddenly he bent over and squealed.

It was only then that I realised that Sarah had stuck a light bulb in his japs eye, and that he was now paralysed. Before running for our lives we stood for a minute and laughed until we shat ourselves.

We then ran, to where who knows but I'll tell you one thing, the fucking wind blew off my habit, and I had to make a prick of myself chasing after it down the street. We then decided that we would travel to Paris to see if the virgin Mary really has bleeding eyes, and also to see ZA BOYZ in concert on the 15th.}

^{To be continued...}

^{This wiki is a piss take.

In other words, you get offended, it's bloody tough.}

^{Back to;

[starry_bellend]

[sequeena_rae]

We are the mods!}

2006-10-13 [sequeena_rae]: He's going to be a dead parrot!
Sorry, Monty Python kicking in now o.o;

2006-10-13 [Estantia]: ex-parrots....

2006-10-13 [The Blood Angel]: Hes just asleep

2006-10-13 [sequeena_rae]: xD *pokes* Look! He just moved!

2006-10-13 [starry_bellend]: why am i not understanding lol? i think i have that disease where you go mad and have to gauge your own eyebollocks out. Ill be having a labotomy now lmao,but stupidly ill get up and leave half way through the op( still anaesthetised and with a needle sticking out of my socket)

2006-10-13 [Estantia]: *parrots eyes glow red and it straightens, piercing you with it's unholy gaze...*

2006-10-13 [The Blood Angel]: *Pets Starry* aww poor girly :p

2006-10-13 [Estantia]: it's still an ex-parrot I think, just a possessed undead one..

2006-10-13 [sequeena_rae]: *stalks Lisa with a chair* Don't worry, it's just some random stuff off a monty python sketch xD

2006-10-13 [starry_bellend]: pmsl ive got news for all you .... sister lisa is a well accomplished theif lmao !! (the headphnes are strutting their stuff in my lugs as we speak sez )

2006-10-13 [sequeena_rae]: *nod nod* Tis true, I'm proud of my little prodigy! xD
Oh yah, Have I got news for....OH FUCKING CUNT BOLLOCKS BASTARD MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.
I missed Have I got News for you.

2006-10-13 [starry_bellend]: yeah dont worry love ditto i was relying on you on reminding me but seems as i couldnt get on this fucking thing for hours lmao never mind :P

2006-10-13 [sequeena_rae]: *beats self with emo stick*
Bollocks. I was looking forward to that too.

2006-10-13 [The Blood Angel]: Yeah you did on BBC1? or is it 2? but anyway DUNDEE GOT MENTIONED! (I live in Dundee)

2006-10-13 [sequeena_rae]: ...I hate you right now T_T

2006-10-13 [starry_bellend]: yeah ini itll probbaly be on again tomorrow or something its usually on later though lol

2006-10-13 [sequeena_rae]: Hopefully xD

2006-10-13 [starry_bellend]: ohhhh noo no no, stick to the stuff you nooooo lmao

2006-10-13 [The Blood Angel]: Just remember. Dundee got Mentioned!

2006-10-13 [sequeena_rae]: *cringe* Oh fucking bloody hell. Now I'm listening to it! XD

2006-10-13 [starry_bellend]: lmao me too its getting sad lmao .. not another worrrrd

2006-10-13 [sequeena_rae]: Hoorrrooooorrrr xD

2006-10-13 [The Blood Angel]: listening to it?

2006-10-13 [starry_bellend]: yeah have you seen high school musical? its the latest craze around these parts :P

2006-10-13 [starry_bellend]: ive now progressed to the cell block tango lol, its better with these new phones lmao

2006-10-13 [The Blood Angel]: oh dear lord

2006-10-13 [starry_bellend]: omg why in the name of god am i threatening to beat you with rowans dick and may i just add look at the fucking gaping cleavage on the picture of me and bruno lmao shamed !

2006-10-13 [sequeena_rae]: I'm on 'we're all in this together' xD
HOOORRRRRRORRRRRR!

2006-10-13 [The Blood Angel]: Right.... Well I'm going now :p

2006-10-13 [sequeena_rae]: Laters boobies man xP

2006-10-13 [starry_bellend]: aww bye xx

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: Boobies man! you seem to be a man of the world, do you by any chance know the meaning of the word sodomise??

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: xD I found it out, to have anal intercourse lmao

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: lmfao!! omg well i knew it was something involoving the anus lmao who the fuck did you ask?? lmao

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: I consulted a dictionary silly xD

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: lol thats orite en lol i was gonna say jaqui qould probably very worried lmao

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: I'd be very worried if Jacqui knew what it was lmao!

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: lmfao!! yes good point you should have asked amy lol

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: I should have xD
btw, Amy knows that I know about what she did. The look was priceless.

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: omg lmao what did you tell her ? or did jacqui let it slip?

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: Jacqui told her last night.
She was cowering >:D I love my height at times <3

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: lmao what literaly cowering :p was there a confrontation then lamo?

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: Oh aye mun xD I wasn't going to let her get away with it XP

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: lol oh god sarah on the rampage is not good lol :P

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: Especially when I've just realised all the crisps have gone T_T xD

2006-10-15 [The Grand Admiral]: very interesting

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: 2006-10-13 starry_bellend: omg why in the name of god am i threatening to beat you with rowans dick and may i just add look at the fucking gaping cleavage on the picture of me and bruno lmao shamed !

Where the fuck did this comment appear from? xD

And; [The Grand Admiral] Thanks :D

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: lmfao!! where the hell did you find that ?? that was from the other day pmsl

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: I only just noticed it lmao xD

Now I get the joke, I thought you was saying Rowans stick xD

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: lmfaooooooo!!!! omg sar mun u edda

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: You see my confusion? xD

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: yeah now i do lmao!! do you fancy another trip somwhere in our break tomorrow?

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: Sure :D And I have to buy you something tomorrow :P

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: aww oh u dunt ave to mun i dont care lol :P where shall we travel to?

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: Of course I do! You won fair and square xD
Dunno o.o;

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: lol yes i did *cough* um, i would suggest the gnoll but i might not be arsed doing that hill tomorrow lol

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: Fuck that lmao, back to pound stretcher? XD

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: yeah why not lmao there was some nice shit in there :P

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: Agreed :D

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: lol you heard from the ema thing yet ? :P

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: No T_T
It's getting less amusing as the days go by xD

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: yeah i bet lk, :@

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: It better be back soon -_-

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: ini lk get charlie to phone em ini kicking off mun lmao

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: He's already phoned onece, apparently it wasn't there T_T
I sent it off ages ago

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: ommong lk ini :P bloocy cunts lol< they must be on

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: Agreed xD I hope it gets there soon though

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: *sorry that was bloody cunts lol yeah ini lk. omg thought halloween in a fortnight :D we went to this shop in macarthur glen yesterday and bought this inflatable spider and shit its gonna be good mun lol

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: :D I can't wait now! Have you got that fake web stuff? :3

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: yeah lmao were gonna put the spider on it ill get some silly string tomorrow if we go to pound stretcher :P

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: YAY!!!! :D

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: well be covered in the shit lmao

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: >:D We'll plaster someone to the wall with it xD

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: lmao ye! bruno lol itll be like he was cum on by the abombinable snowman

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: I bet he'll enjoy that XP

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: ye probs im sure rob would be up for it n all mind lmao

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: omg! xD

2006-10-15 [starry_bellend]: lmao :P

2006-10-15 [sequeena_rae]: We'll ambush him and lock him in the shed :P

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: The nunnery is open (untill bout 9 ish i reckon)

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: o.O; Are you serious? XD

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: um,... yes lol why?

2006-10-16 [The Blood Angel]: Cumed on by the Abominable snowman! what the fuck are you guys like! :p

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: Fuck knows. We're not conscious for most of it XP
...No reason Lis, just wondering o.o; xD *imagines locking him in* Awesome >:D

2006-10-16 [The Blood Angel]: and who are you going to kidnap? Poor boy :p

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: Lisa's...Step father, not step father, lodger, bum boy o.o; xD

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: lamo yes he is a bum lol he likes to show it to me :(

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: xD Should shoot something up his arse, it'll make him think twice xD

2006-10-16 [The Blood Angel]: Oh an AIR RIFLE!

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: o.o; Yeah, that xD

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: yeah or maybe a carrot

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: A large one xD

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: yes or maybe a pineapple

2006-10-16 [The Blood Angel]: Fuck a carrot! Try one of your vibrators! that will give him a hell of a suprise :p

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: o.O; I am actually speechless. Give me a few minutes to come up with something good xD

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: excuse me i an a nun - a woman of god and this is a nunnery there are no vibrators here !

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: Except for the one in your pocket *points* >_> XD

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: oh - my bad :(

2006-10-16 [The Blood Angel]: Oh god the world is going to end, I've taken Squee aback! Ok nun, why you have a gun then :p

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: I know, my brain has failed me, most likely because I am being distracted by these lovely chips :3

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: lmao i havent got a gun you made that up lmao

2006-10-16 [The Blood Angel]: I make alot of things up. *Hugs squee* hmmm chips

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: Fuck off *hugs chips* Mine ¬_¬ xD

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: or maybe im secretly a tranny and i do have a gun in my pocket

2006-10-16 [The Blood Angel]: Or are you just happy to see me? Though I only give anal never recieve ;)

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: Then it'll be quite an experience when you get bum raped then xP

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: lmaoo well im afraid i dont take it either so well just have to touch japs eyes lmao

2006-10-16 [The Blood Angel]: *squirms* Actually I've never done anal and plan on keeping that record. Front for me. I don't want to end up getting a chocolate finger ;)

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: lmaoo erghhhhhhhhh!! thats buzzing !

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: Let's hope you haven't got a habit of biting your fingers then :P

well just have to touch japs eyes
OMG XD

2006-10-16 [The Blood Angel]: yeah I don't know why I shared that :S

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: lmfao!!!!

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: That is so buzzing it's fucking hysterical xD

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: your full of shit !

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: Actually no, I got rid of all that a few hours ago xD

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: i was talking to tit man but wat the hell lol. i wish the same could be said for me :P

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: Por bastard :(

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: lol ini like :)

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: xD

2006-10-16 [starry_bellend]: Right! The nunnery is now closing for the night! good night everyone xx

2006-10-16 [sequeena_rae]: Bollocks! xD

2006-10-16 [Panda-monium]: alas

2006-10-16 [Estantia]: the only place where you can be turned away from a nunnery...

2006-10-16 [Corazie]: So sad :(

2006-10-17 [Estantia]: and mariginally unorthadox BUT never mind

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: o.O; Whatev Trev.

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: lmao !! go sarah ! go sarah!

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: It's my birthday *boogies* xD

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: lmao !! no it aint :P

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: ...Ssssh! xD

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: lmao right here goes ..

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: omfg !!! i didnt want it that big pmsl omg im spewin!

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: OMG!!! XD

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: random man with two fish up his shitter lmao

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: This is what jesus did with his loaves and his fish lmao!

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: Now you know why it went round so many, half of them didnt want it after watching him pull it out of his arse!

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: His shit chute lmao!

xD!!!!!

2006-10-17 [Corazie]: Oh. Dear. God. O.O

2006-10-17 [Delladreing]: Holy Mary Mother of God

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: xD

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: lmfaooo!! he's got a fan club then i see the poor bastard1 sorry folks :(

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: *snickers* Funniest thing I've seen all day, and it takes a lot to top Bernies shirt xD

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: lmao yeah you have a point :P

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: I wonder if that slug is okay o.o xD

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: I thinks it's in quite a bit of pain lmao a bit like him up there with the gruesome twosome up his arse :P

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: I swear, you have got to stop coming out with these things xD it's possible to kill someone with laughter you know xD

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: pmsll i dotn know what it is but ive been on a roll lately there must be something in the air, or the doughnuts :P

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: Oh for the love of god! Thats gross man! :X

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: god is being mentioned a lot tonight !! this is the devils nunnery ! oh yeah and rob is getting your matress thursday lol,

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: The doughnuts were awesome <3 *eating cappucino chocolate* Yah, odd xD
Bweeeeee! What a small world :3

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: lmao ini like, aww its gone all petite omg you know what i could drink now ... peach tea :)

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: LoL I've just ate a doughnut

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: At first glance i thought that was sarah saying that then i was gonna fucking say lmao!! well weve eaten 4 doughnuts today!

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: Peach tea is awesome too o.o; Well, 4 and a half doughnuts in my case ;)

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: lmao yeah, we were having a green day ( youll get that if youve ever been on the slimming world diet lmao)

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: I only had one today. One to keep the doctor away... Wait thats not right :)

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: *doesn't get it*
Omg. I didn't get a joke. *kills self*

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: lmao dont worry it was shit anyway :P

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: That was true. An apple a day keeps the doctors away :p

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: well, i eat an apple every 2 or three years and i never go to the doctors lmao

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: Whereas I eat them often and am always in and out of the doctors xD

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: yeah the theory of god is bullshit !!!I am going to start a riot! who is with me ??

2006-10-17 [Corazie]: Lmao xD Same here >.<

2006-10-17 [Linderel]: Clearly, it's a conspiracy! :O

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: LoL no rioting!

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: I'm there! XD

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: why? :( is it banned?

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: It'll be like les mis lol

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: Fuck banning, let's go riot like the sandfields posse we are >:D
Les mis = <3 xD

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: Oh for the love of glin! behave children. You can only riot if your a guy (Like me) Women just bitch :p

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: lmao no we dont we are a special breed of woman , sandfields women!( and for the recored [willy] is a dick!

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: You want to see what I can do with a cricket bat :P If you want to live I suggest you shut the fuck up xD
I'mma slap that cunt T_T

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: lmao!! oh yeah and how do you know glin boobies man ? did you watch big brother too?

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: Glyn even xD

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: hehehe I made Lisa spell it wrong :p Stacey watched it more than me. I was voting for Pete. :p

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: aww no way pete was a fool! glyn to win!!

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: erm... Glyn lost dear ;)

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: i know but i can hope :(

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: Awww *Hugs* poor we welsh girly :p

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: I am poor and wee and welsh but i aint a girl lmao im a woman!! or man whatever you see fit

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: Living in the past Lis xD

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: Tranny XP

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: Hemaphridite! :p

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: as you wish *grows a penis*

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: Witch! *Gets a burning torch* burn the witch! damn it! :p

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: Is it real? o.O;

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: I am not a witch! (cackles towards the moon in the style of shaggy)

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: We are doomed o.o;

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: Unless we burn her now *Starts building a bonfire*

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: what if im one of thoses new kind of witches who are inflammable and biodegradable?

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: Then...We shall suffocate you :D

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: with what? A pillow case or bernies tights lmao

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: Bernies mouth! xD

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: with smoke and ash from the fire! *Grabs Lisa* Bwahahaha!

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: noooo !! "i'll put a spell on you"

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: @_@ *hypnotised*

2006-10-17 [The Blood Angel]: Erm you hypnotised Squee Lisa, *throws on top of the bonfire*

2006-10-17 [starry_bellend]: "cause your mine" please do not inform me i have got the words wrong again sarah lmao

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: 'And now you're mine!'
Seriously woman, you should know that I am an expert at these things xD!!!

2006-10-17 [sequeena_rae]: And it's 'I put a spell on you' xD *shuts up* lmao